misadventures in sino-sinage

DISCLAIMER: I started writing this entry before the Times article about Beijing's terrible english signs, etc., came out, and after I saw it, decided it would definitely trump any blog entry I wrote, so I abandoned the draft, but have since decided that it would be OK for me to publish my own version, because.

As these recent articles have poignantly described, Beijing is really making efforts to improve its public image in preparation for the Olympics. The enforced subway queueing on National Queue-Day (the 11th of each month, because 11 looks like two nice straight lines) actually seems to be working a little bit. There are signs everywhere illustrating the "civilized" and "harmonious" ways to cross the street, board buses, and spit. The shuttle buses to and from the airport even play public service announcements (geared towards teaching both etiquette for dealing with foreigners and useful english phrases) featuring a lost tourist in his wetsuit, snorkle, and flippers asking for directions to the beach and finally being taken by the hand by an 80-year old Chinese man in his enormous swimming trunks and goggles and led to the beach.

sure, there are still a few things that could be worked on, like the guy sitting next to me on the subway yesterday clipping his fingernails and sweeping the clippings off his briefcase and onto my leg, or the guy who shoots about six snot rockets under the table everyday in the lunchroom, but before you judge you should know, China Has A Very Long History. so just put on those three pairs of flesh-colored long underwear and don't argue, because China Has A Very Long History.


In honor of all this very stimulating discussion of Beijing's prospects as a glitteringly chic and elegantly civilized city, I'm interested in sharing a few of my favorite English signs that I've encountered around China.

-"DEFORMITY PEOPLE PURPOSE." this one is posted on a bathroom stall in Emei Shan, Sichuan, and seems to mean "handicapped"
-"CAREFULLY FALL TO RIVER" = "water hazard" and "DONT DAB THE RIVERWAY" = "don't touch the water"
-"6Os BUSH - IN THE COLORFUL WILDERNESS, SOMETHING IS VISIBLE" = I have no idea but sounds like some hedge trimming is in order for those hippies...
-"PROTECT CIRCUMSTANCE, BEGIN WITH ME" = off a garbage can that Amanda took a pic of. appears to be trying to say "don't litter"

On another note, on my way to work this morning, I saw from the bus window a small guy in his white kungfu shorts doing kungfu practice against a hutong wall. It reminded me of this guy at UNC my senior year...he was this average-looking chubby redhead kid, but boy there was nothing else average about that guy. if you were walking behind him through the quad, you knew you were about to witness something terrible. he would walk along normally like everyone else, then just casually take off his backpack and set it down on the grass, and run at a tree and do a flip off of it, brush off his hands, pick up his bag, and keep walking, leaving the passers-by awkwardly looking around at each other like, "did you just see that? did that really just happen?" Now, I'll be the first to admit that I cannot run at a tree and flip off of it, although come to think of it I never tried, but the point is that it would be one thing if he was with a group of his friends, and they were egging him on, like, "come on, do that thing you do!!" but I never once saw him with anyone else; he was always alone. Only later did I come to learn the very reasonable reason for what I had always thought was just plain showing off: This guy, this little unassuming freckled man, was training to be a Jedi Knight. OHHHHHH!!! and I thought, well, if he would just dress like a Jedi, we would all know what was going on and no one would question his behavior because who doesn't love a Jedi? Well, I guess he read my mind, since pretty soon he did indeed start wearing his Jedi outfit to class. Sometimes you could spot him in trees, other times throwing himself over the railings of staircases, and other times practicing his diving and tuck-rolling over a fold-out table in the Pit while everyone sat around eating lunch. Anyways, I guess he was having a good time, and he definitely wasn't hurting anyone but himself, diving into trees and bricks and other unforgiving surfaces. People make weird decisions.