gone to Carolina
I'm heading home in 2 days. I'm getting really ancy (sp?) and having a hard time concentrating on anything. I'm also worried that I've built up my trip home so much that when I get back, I'll feel like I have nothing to look forward to. That's pretty bleak, I know, and I sound like I must really hate my life here. it's not like that, exactly, I think it's just that I haven't fully gotten used to the monotony of real life and real 9-5:30 jobs and going and going and going for weeks at a time seems unbearable. AND IT'S BITTERLY, BITTERLY COLD HERE.
Job is stressful sometimes. Not because I have too much work to do. Actually more like I have not enough to do. How this works is that when I have no work to do for days or weeks at a time, my boss can tell, and he feels weird about wasting my time and his money by not having any work for me to do, and takes it out on me by insinuating that i don't know how to do anything and that's why he can't give me anything to do. i never know when he might as me a question about something that i may or may not have any way of knowing and when i don't know the answer hear him make a comment that cuts a little bit. pretty passive aggressive if you ask me, and while maybe a year ago this would have made me run and cry in the bathroom, i somehow don't let it get to me now. i'm not sure what has caused this change in me. probably just the experience of moving here alone and embarking on this crazy-ass journey called living in China and starting a job that you really aren't qualified for has toughened me up.
So I'm going to go home for 10 days. First do some serious shopping, because I don't have any winter-weather clothes here. Didn't bring any, for some reason thought summer would last forever. Come winter time I tried to buy some warm clothes, but nothing fits right and works for the office...I'm either looking really nice and freezing my ass off all day or warm and wayyy to casual. So I think have more clothes to wear will help with my mood- wearing the same outfit every day has also inspired a laziness when it comes to showering and keeping room clean, etc, so a new wardrobe might help pull things together for me.
Then I hope to see friends. I need new places and new faces in my life (in this case not really new but ones i havent seen in a while).
Job is stressful sometimes. Not because I have too much work to do. Actually more like I have not enough to do. How this works is that when I have no work to do for days or weeks at a time, my boss can tell, and he feels weird about wasting my time and his money by not having any work for me to do, and takes it out on me by insinuating that i don't know how to do anything and that's why he can't give me anything to do. i never know when he might as me a question about something that i may or may not have any way of knowing and when i don't know the answer hear him make a comment that cuts a little bit. pretty passive aggressive if you ask me, and while maybe a year ago this would have made me run and cry in the bathroom, i somehow don't let it get to me now. i'm not sure what has caused this change in me. probably just the experience of moving here alone and embarking on this crazy-ass journey called living in China and starting a job that you really aren't qualified for has toughened me up.
So I'm going to go home for 10 days. First do some serious shopping, because I don't have any winter-weather clothes here. Didn't bring any, for some reason thought summer would last forever. Come winter time I tried to buy some warm clothes, but nothing fits right and works for the office...I'm either looking really nice and freezing my ass off all day or warm and wayyy to casual. So I think have more clothes to wear will help with my mood- wearing the same outfit every day has also inspired a laziness when it comes to showering and keeping room clean, etc, so a new wardrobe might help pull things together for me.
Then I hope to see friends. I need new places and new faces in my life (in this case not really new but ones i havent seen in a while).
posted by Mandie at 1:44 PM
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