none of this is going my way!!
pissy early morning today. one of those "i hate china" days, if you will. if you are someone inclined to be offended by that, then...maybe stop reading.
first i want to complain about the way people push to get on the bus. i am not talking about the kind of bus where you have to push to remain standing because otherwise you will be a crunched mushed puddle onthe floor under everyone's feet. no, i understand the pushing in that case. i am talking about the moments before and during the boarding of Kuaisu Gongjiao Yixian, High Speed Bus #1, from the Qianmen subway stop, the backside of Tiananmen Square. This is one of those two-in -one buses. If you dont know what I'm talking about just picture two regular buses strung together by an accordian-like middle section which allows it to (sort of) turn corners. like, they're BIG buses with LOTS of space. and the thing about the high speed routes is that they make very few stops. not a lot of people take these buses. they never fill up. in fact, usually at least half of the seats are empty still after everyone sits down. but still there are the fiesty little 50- 60 year old women who elbow and push and knock you over to run to a seat. why!?? what's the reason for this? you push me out of the way to run to a seat, which is exactly like the 20 other seats that are still unoccupied right next to the one you acted like you had to fight me to the death for. it drives me totally crazy. i try to explain to myself that this is just the habit of anyone who grew up in a time or place where you HAD to push in some sense or other to get what you needed. but it doesn't keep me from feeling really really annoyed at a behavior that i can't help but think is extremely rude. sometimes i mutter something like "nin buyao tui wo, hao bu hao"- "don't push me, all right?" and mostly no one hears, or else they get all defensive and yell that they never pushed me. whatever.
next i want to complain about the staring. normally...it's ok whatever just stare at me if you like. but sometimes...it really pisses me off. like this morning the guy sitting in front of me has his head swiveled around backwards looking me up and down for the entire busride. it's not like at home where if someone looks too long you flash them a pissy look and they get the point. doesn't make a difference- i can stare them right back in the eye and nothing, still. and times like that i don't buy that it's a cultural difference- people don't stare at each other that way, not even at disabled or unusual-looking people . just foreigners. which is why although lots of people are very nice, it's impossible not to feel sometimes like some chinese people don't think of foreigners as human beings- some kind of animal or exhibit under glass.
along the same lines is the problem with people wanting help with english. probably doesn't apply just to china, i don't really know, but it's pretty universal for foreigners living in China. almost every chinese friend i try to make ends up asking for all kinds of help with something involving english. understandable, but what should also be understandable is that if I had come to China wanting to help people with their English, I would be teaching english and getting paid for it. if you are someone who likes to make these requests of people, please note- and i mean this kindly- basically NOBODY wants to do this at all and much less for free- whether we get a dinner out of it or not. the requests keep piling up, and it again goes back to us being people, not tools available for anyone's use, and us having our own things we want to spend our time doing, not to mention that we are in china to speak chinese, not english. people get upset and act like i am being a bad friend for not being happy to devote hours and hours of my weekends and evenings to helping "friends" with these sorts of things. is this because of a different concept of "Friendship?" is it because someone honestly doesn't understand why i wouldn't be happy to do this, or is it because someone really just wants to use me even if they know i don't want to? they may think i am being rude for not happily spending my whole day helping prepare for this or that english something-or-other, but i think they are rude for even asking for so much of my time. i don't consider myself a selfish person, but i think this is too much to ask. it makes me sad that this dynamic has pervaded most of my friendships with people here and left me with a bad taste in my mouth. and it has left me spending all of my free time with other ex-pats, because i don't have this feeling with them that they want something from me.
this is a lot of complaining for someone who has it pretty good here, i know. it was my choice to come here and in any case these obviously aren't things to get too upset about. i just think some people have the idea that we come to live in china because it's a blast and so fun, etc. but this isn't true, really. maybe it was part of why i came here, i don't know. but in reality, living in Beijing is no different from living anywhere else. you have work, your friends, class, eating, sleeping, ups and downs as usual. it's real life and not study abroad all over again. and just like I would if I were living anywhere else, I get fed up and need a change of pace sometimes. Hence the Dec. 20th plane ticket home for the holidays. will come back refreshed (and newly stocked with my own winter clothes that fit right and dont fall apart) and ready to push through the rest of the cold weather despite the ladies that push me on the bus.
first i want to complain about the way people push to get on the bus. i am not talking about the kind of bus where you have to push to remain standing because otherwise you will be a crunched mushed puddle onthe floor under everyone's feet. no, i understand the pushing in that case. i am talking about the moments before and during the boarding of Kuaisu Gongjiao Yixian, High Speed Bus #1, from the Qianmen subway stop, the backside of Tiananmen Square. This is one of those two-in -one buses. If you dont know what I'm talking about just picture two regular buses strung together by an accordian-like middle section which allows it to (sort of) turn corners. like, they're BIG buses with LOTS of space. and the thing about the high speed routes is that they make very few stops. not a lot of people take these buses. they never fill up. in fact, usually at least half of the seats are empty still after everyone sits down. but still there are the fiesty little 50- 60 year old women who elbow and push and knock you over to run to a seat. why!?? what's the reason for this? you push me out of the way to run to a seat, which is exactly like the 20 other seats that are still unoccupied right next to the one you acted like you had to fight me to the death for. it drives me totally crazy. i try to explain to myself that this is just the habit of anyone who grew up in a time or place where you HAD to push in some sense or other to get what you needed. but it doesn't keep me from feeling really really annoyed at a behavior that i can't help but think is extremely rude. sometimes i mutter something like "nin buyao tui wo, hao bu hao"- "don't push me, all right?" and mostly no one hears, or else they get all defensive and yell that they never pushed me. whatever.
next i want to complain about the staring. normally...it's ok whatever just stare at me if you like. but sometimes...it really pisses me off. like this morning the guy sitting in front of me has his head swiveled around backwards looking me up and down for the entire busride. it's not like at home where if someone looks too long you flash them a pissy look and they get the point. doesn't make a difference- i can stare them right back in the eye and nothing, still. and times like that i don't buy that it's a cultural difference- people don't stare at each other that way, not even at disabled or unusual-looking people . just foreigners. which is why although lots of people are very nice, it's impossible not to feel sometimes like some chinese people don't think of foreigners as human beings- some kind of animal or exhibit under glass.
along the same lines is the problem with people wanting help with english. probably doesn't apply just to china, i don't really know, but it's pretty universal for foreigners living in China. almost every chinese friend i try to make ends up asking for all kinds of help with something involving english. understandable, but what should also be understandable is that if I had come to China wanting to help people with their English, I would be teaching english and getting paid for it. if you are someone who likes to make these requests of people, please note- and i mean this kindly- basically NOBODY wants to do this at all and much less for free- whether we get a dinner out of it or not. the requests keep piling up, and it again goes back to us being people, not tools available for anyone's use, and us having our own things we want to spend our time doing, not to mention that we are in china to speak chinese, not english. people get upset and act like i am being a bad friend for not being happy to devote hours and hours of my weekends and evenings to helping "friends" with these sorts of things. is this because of a different concept of "Friendship?" is it because someone honestly doesn't understand why i wouldn't be happy to do this, or is it because someone really just wants to use me even if they know i don't want to? they may think i am being rude for not happily spending my whole day helping prepare for this or that english something-or-other, but i think they are rude for even asking for so much of my time. i don't consider myself a selfish person, but i think this is too much to ask. it makes me sad that this dynamic has pervaded most of my friendships with people here and left me with a bad taste in my mouth. and it has left me spending all of my free time with other ex-pats, because i don't have this feeling with them that they want something from me.
this is a lot of complaining for someone who has it pretty good here, i know. it was my choice to come here and in any case these obviously aren't things to get too upset about. i just think some people have the idea that we come to live in china because it's a blast and so fun, etc. but this isn't true, really. maybe it was part of why i came here, i don't know. but in reality, living in Beijing is no different from living anywhere else. you have work, your friends, class, eating, sleeping, ups and downs as usual. it's real life and not study abroad all over again. and just like I would if I were living anywhere else, I get fed up and need a change of pace sometimes. Hence the Dec. 20th plane ticket home for the holidays. will come back refreshed (and newly stocked with my own winter clothes that fit right and dont fall apart) and ready to push through the rest of the cold weather despite the ladies that push me on the bus.
posted by Mandie at 2:39 PM
2 Comments:
Oh man, I remember having those kinds of "I hate China" days too. Yes, those sorts of behaviors are quite annoying and no matter how culturally understanding I tried to be, sometimes I just didn't understand it either. 再见！
mandie-pants!
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