arriving somewhere but not here

fantastic mood all afteroon friday. as usual i didn't get enough sleep, and the morning was extremely mediocre, aside from the daily ride from qianmen to tiantan on the high-speed bus, which for some reason is always incredible. but my meal at Mickey Deeeez totally lifted the haze. now, it's not because the food wasn't anything special. in fact, lately, nothing hits the spot like a meal of gongbao chicken and suanrong youmaicai (leafy green healthy-seeming something or other drenched in garlicness) but i never crave anything like i crave some maidanlao. i tried the coffee today and it warmmmmed my insides and that's when i started feeling good. i bounced back to work (think "Digital Love" kind of bouncing) thinking about the weekend.

we went for dinner at the Den, the 24-hour diner down near the Worker's Stadium. the pizza was everything i hoped it would be (four cheese with olives and salami) and i think we were all in a pretty good mood. i had my dancing shoes on. the night seemed to have so much potential. kai bar upstairs. then it became the kind of night when you know no matter how much you drink you're just not going to get to that place where nothing can ruin your night. i had a in-that-place kind of night at the friday the 13th party- tons of things went down that ordinarily would have been not only total buzzkills but probably would have sent me storming out the door like i like to do, but i was just having 80 tons of fun. but so last night i let myself get talked into going to DJ Sasha...apparently Amanda and I were the only ones who had never heard of him...even though I had been adamantly opposed to going to listen to some techno music in a smoky club for 150Y. 150Y!!!!?? but it seemed like the thing to do so i forked over the cash.

midnight and counting and the same annoyingly-smiley kevin shiu DJ guy was still playing what i swear was the same track over and over. i made my best effort to dance. but after about 30 minutes we were all pretty much over it. where is Sasha? Amanda and I talked about how awkward the dancing was. Must be that this music is only to be danced to if you have eaten some special pills or something. it's not easy to dance to that kind of beat- you can't just jump around and swing your arms about like you can at 8Os night at Alfa- you have to actually think to yourself, every five minutes, ok, what move can I do now that will look cool, and then what move after that, and then after that, and then the transitions...and like a.b.i. said, what makes it more complicated is that you have to have the cool moves but at the same time look ironic about it, as though you think the whole thing is a little silly and you aren't taking it to seriously. but everyone is taking it SO seriously because how can you not be self-conscious dancing to weird electronic music. the paradox of this scene pretty much embodies the impression i have of hipsters. even though i'm not sure i actually know what exactly a hipster is or that i know any hipsters or that they would listen to this kind of music. they probably would but not bc they like it but just to be ironic. but that's not the point. DJ sasha never showed and there was an angry mob and everyone was unhappy esp me because i got so tired i could hardly talk. i learned my lesson.

now it's a cold gray saturday and i can't decide what song i want to put on or what movie to watch or what to eat. amanda was saying that she forgot how there's nothing to do on the weekends and i suddenly feel the same way, although i think before i always felt like i had stuff to do. bottom line is, in a big city like this it takes a lot of effort to go anywhere and do anything. it's going to be a long winter.